I’ve been waiting for this essay! Please turn this into a book about marketing, gender, behavior patterns, and money. And look at how to first change perception, and then habits. It would be a best seller.
this was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good oh my god - the amount of times in the past five years i’ve been shocked to learn that people’s parents are supplementing their rent payments or that friends i have that complain about being “broke” actually have enough money in savings for a down payment is crazy- no one talks about money yet it controls every aspect of our lives
the number of people who get help from their parents is kind of wild? i didn’t realize it for the longest time. i think it’s great that parents can do this for their kids, but it’s pretty disorienting when you’re out in the world trying to make it on your own and realize you’re not even close to the same playing field. we need to destigmatize nepo babies coming out as rich! it would help everybody haha
this was me a bit more than five years ago - I always knew my friends/classmates came from better-off families than mine but reality hit in a different way when I asked one of my closest friends what she was paying in rent for her Manhattan apartment and she said her parents had bought it for her (no grudges, I love her and I'm glad she has a reliable roof over her head since she's a poorly-paid academic but gods was that a 'different worlds' moment even if she was self-aware enough to be aware of the level of privilege involved)
I have been thinking for a long time that shopping is a way to keep women busy so they stay out of the important stuff. On the other hand, I find almost any primping so boring and a waste of my day that I can't make myself do it so I probably have a different motivation than some other peps. Also, despite spending little time on my image, I don't think I have done a lot of great, importance with my life. Though it is hard to say for sure.
My dad instructed me, in a very dad way, to read personal finance books in my early 20s. I found out after I read a few that he hadn't bothered to read any. However, I followed the advice. Invest early. Save an emergency fund. Don't spend more than you make. Don't lease cars. It worked. I never went into debt. I continue to live within my means while putting something away for the days that i can no longer work. On the other hand, as you point out, having some money in the bank does not guarantee a felt sense of security or self-esteem. There is no there there. It is a number on a screen. If you don't enjoy your life, you don't enjoy your life. No number on a screen will change that. Placing your happiness on some # doesn't work. You will not be happy when you arrive if you are not happy now. Marketers don't want you to know that. In fact, they are banking on it.
so much wisdom here. im so glad you never went into debt and are on a good track and you didnt have to learn the hard way. youre so correct that marketers dont really thrive when people are content, woof.
The first sentence really got me. Why is 'shopping' an expected and encouraged hobby, but only for women? There's so much emphasis on finding the perfect *______* and less on finding what actually feeds you.
If the social media platforms disappeared tomorrow, people would be saving so much more money and buying less. I hate to say it but I really blame those platforms.
I mean….i just want to quote this entire article? ‘Sure, people are unwell, but labeling them with diagnoses often sidesteps the real issue. It’s easier to call normal reactions to harsh conditions and a consumption driven society pathological than to admit the system itself is broken and unsustainable.’ 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’m glad you flagged ‘misogyny’ which frankly is a weak and defensive move for anyone who uses it. I’m so tired of seeing that scattered around Substack by people with clearly little experience of the real world. Raising conversations around female finances and investing is not misogynistic when the system is stacked against us from day dot.
Insightful, as always! I just finished listening to the audiobook, “Yeah, No, Not Happening” by Karen Karbo and it has a similar perspective: that women are constantly targeted for self improvement (face masks! Red light machines! Vagina eggs!) ie implying we’re not enough. But we *could* be if we just spend, spend, spend our way to perfection.
Love this!!!! I hate the investment/cost per wear justification. Up marked clothes don’t always wear 100x better than the cheaper version. Once I realized that most of the mark up was simply brand signaling, I soured on it real fast.
I get it, same here! it doesn’t really resonate with me, and I’m not into the idea of “gamifying” my closet by tracking wears and all that. I’ve got enough stuff to keep track of already haha.
The ”looking at old white men in suits when you want to buy a dress” is 100% brilliance. Works like a cold shower (except a cold shower is refreshing). My friends sometimes ask me for investing/savings advice and this is what I will lead with from now on.
Another Substack just posted a $850 cashmere bucket hat and I feel like I don’t want to pay for that kind of influencing anymore - I mean - come on. Appreciate this!
There is this restaurant chain I used to go to before I saw the owner’s daughter frolicking around Paris and “working” on a very uninspiring health and wellness blog on IG. Thinking about funding this kinda mediocre family’s beautiful life in Europe with my $18 salads made me lose my appetite lol
Just last night I sat and made a list of all my spending for 2024 so far and realized that my relationship with spending is rooted pretty deeply in some girl math concepts (I sold a bunch of stuff on Poshmark so these purchases didn’t exact hit my bank account). I loved this read!!
I love clothes, don’t get me wrong, but especially within the Substack space I’ve noticed rationalizations to overspend that kind of make me think twice. For example the use of the word “investment” when describing a piece of clothing. Let’s stop using this term when describing the purchase of an item that will not increase in value. A house is an investment, a sweater is not.
I think ultimately you need to buy something if you absolutely love it and know it will be a major addition to your wardrobe’s functionality. I never buy anything with the intent to resale bc then that must mean I don’t really love it or maybe it’s just a one season trend item - which is not how you build a sustainable wardrobe that reflects your personal style.
The white man sweater mashups are REALLY going to help me. You’re brilliant and hilarious my girl, keep it up
hahaha thank you! its like a cold shower everytime
I’ve been waiting for this essay! Please turn this into a book about marketing, gender, behavior patterns, and money. And look at how to first change perception, and then habits. It would be a best seller.
I’d buy it without doing any math. 💗
well i can’t even begin to tell you how much your incredibly sweet encouragement means to me… but THANK YOU!
I’d buy that book in a heartbeat!
thank you Zoë! you guys are the best
she's not alone. I'm printing this out and laminating it to my phone, right next to the Thredup app.
ooo that makes me happy!
This is brilliant- I want a Google Chrome extension that just makes a white guy CEO’s face pop up on every corresponding shopping website I go to.
hahaha, calling up my developer friends right now...
this was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good oh my god - the amount of times in the past five years i’ve been shocked to learn that people’s parents are supplementing their rent payments or that friends i have that complain about being “broke” actually have enough money in savings for a down payment is crazy- no one talks about money yet it controls every aspect of our lives
the number of people who get help from their parents is kind of wild? i didn’t realize it for the longest time. i think it’s great that parents can do this for their kids, but it’s pretty disorienting when you’re out in the world trying to make it on your own and realize you’re not even close to the same playing field. we need to destigmatize nepo babies coming out as rich! it would help everybody haha
couldn’t agree more… if my dad wanted to pay for my rent i would NOTTT say no
this was me a bit more than five years ago - I always knew my friends/classmates came from better-off families than mine but reality hit in a different way when I asked one of my closest friends what she was paying in rent for her Manhattan apartment and she said her parents had bought it for her (no grudges, I love her and I'm glad she has a reliable roof over her head since she's a poorly-paid academic but gods was that a 'different worlds' moment even if she was self-aware enough to be aware of the level of privilege involved)
I have been thinking for a long time that shopping is a way to keep women busy so they stay out of the important stuff. On the other hand, I find almost any primping so boring and a waste of my day that I can't make myself do it so I probably have a different motivation than some other peps. Also, despite spending little time on my image, I don't think I have done a lot of great, importance with my life. Though it is hard to say for sure.
My dad instructed me, in a very dad way, to read personal finance books in my early 20s. I found out after I read a few that he hadn't bothered to read any. However, I followed the advice. Invest early. Save an emergency fund. Don't spend more than you make. Don't lease cars. It worked. I never went into debt. I continue to live within my means while putting something away for the days that i can no longer work. On the other hand, as you point out, having some money in the bank does not guarantee a felt sense of security or self-esteem. There is no there there. It is a number on a screen. If you don't enjoy your life, you don't enjoy your life. No number on a screen will change that. Placing your happiness on some # doesn't work. You will not be happy when you arrive if you are not happy now. Marketers don't want you to know that. In fact, they are banking on it.
so much wisdom here. im so glad you never went into debt and are on a good track and you didnt have to learn the hard way. youre so correct that marketers dont really thrive when people are content, woof.
The first sentence really got me. Why is 'shopping' an expected and encouraged hobby, but only for women? There's so much emphasis on finding the perfect *______* and less on finding what actually feeds you.
If the social media platforms disappeared tomorrow, people would be saving so much more money and buying less. I hate to say it but I really blame those platforms.
im really with you, its gotten nuts!
Yes!!!
I mean….i just want to quote this entire article? ‘Sure, people are unwell, but labeling them with diagnoses often sidesteps the real issue. It’s easier to call normal reactions to harsh conditions and a consumption driven society pathological than to admit the system itself is broken and unsustainable.’ 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’m glad you flagged ‘misogyny’ which frankly is a weak and defensive move for anyone who uses it. I’m so tired of seeing that scattered around Substack by people with clearly little experience of the real world. Raising conversations around female finances and investing is not misogynistic when the system is stacked against us from day dot.
TY Camilla!
im so glad you agree re misogyny. it does feel like a pretty false empowerment narrative.
Insightful, as always! I just finished listening to the audiobook, “Yeah, No, Not Happening” by Karen Karbo and it has a similar perspective: that women are constantly targeted for self improvement (face masks! Red light machines! Vagina eggs!) ie implying we’re not enough. But we *could* be if we just spend, spend, spend our way to perfection.
so i have to read this. thank you for telling me about it, Erin!!
Yes, do! It’s joyfully infuriating!
Love this!!!! I hate the investment/cost per wear justification. Up marked clothes don’t always wear 100x better than the cheaper version. Once I realized that most of the mark up was simply brand signaling, I soured on it real fast.
I get it, same here! it doesn’t really resonate with me, and I’m not into the idea of “gamifying” my closet by tracking wears and all that. I’ve got enough stuff to keep track of already haha.
The ”looking at old white men in suits when you want to buy a dress” is 100% brilliance. Works like a cold shower (except a cold shower is refreshing). My friends sometimes ask me for investing/savings advice and this is what I will lead with from now on.
hahaha yes its like birth control for shopping. and i love that youll tell them that
Another Substack just posted a $850 cashmere bucket hat and I feel like I don’t want to pay for that kind of influencing anymore - I mean - come on. Appreciate this!
my brain is melting! appreciate you reading
There is this restaurant chain I used to go to before I saw the owner’s daughter frolicking around Paris and “working” on a very uninspiring health and wellness blog on IG. Thinking about funding this kinda mediocre family’s beautiful life in Europe with my $18 salads made me lose my appetite lol
hahaha it just hits different then for real!
Just last night I sat and made a list of all my spending for 2024 so far and realized that my relationship with spending is rooted pretty deeply in some girl math concepts (I sold a bunch of stuff on Poshmark so these purchases didn’t exact hit my bank account). I loved this read!!
oh my gosh i get it. especially when i have access to deep discount shopping. i go nuts (as you are aware 😂)
Don’t take us to a consignment store 😉
😂😂😂😂😂
I love clothes, don’t get me wrong, but especially within the Substack space I’ve noticed rationalizations to overspend that kind of make me think twice. For example the use of the word “investment” when describing a piece of clothing. Let’s stop using this term when describing the purchase of an item that will not increase in value. A house is an investment, a sweater is not.
oh its gotten pretty insane, clothes are not an "investment" it doesnt mean its not worth it, but definitely not going to appreciate in value
I think ultimately you need to buy something if you absolutely love it and know it will be a major addition to your wardrobe’s functionality. I never buy anything with the intent to resale bc then that must mean I don’t really love it or maybe it’s just a one season trend item - which is not how you build a sustainable wardrobe that reflects your personal style.
completely!
“You're Looking At a Reformation Dress and He's Looking At You ❤️ “ sent shivers down my spine! Thank you for the reality check. Enjoyed this so much!
totally, and youre so welcome!