I feel like you articulated exactly how I’ve been thinking recently (I’m on a restricted shopping mission, doing the rule of 5 challenge this year and it’s changing my thought patterns about fashion, shopping, etc). When I’m tempted by an ad or Instagram outfit, I ask myself “cute shirt or just a cute body?” Just like the image you posted, mostly its “cute body.” Feeling comfortable/confident in a t shirt and jeans is my new goal- it’s surprisingly difficult. Love this post and thank you for writing it!
yeah exactly what happens to me - a lot. sometimes when i hate all the clothes in my closet i realize its because im actually just hating my body. when i fix my relationship with that, clothes feel easier.
The cute girl or just a cool body question is so accurate, I think it's even ingrained in our minds after growing in a culture that tells us there's only one way to be beautiful and keeping up with certain beauty standards!
This substack continues to be some of the best fashion writing on the internet. This spoke to my soul. I would love it if you published a reading list with books/articles/etc that inform your writing here.
"I find that my new idea of a “cool girl” doesn’t exude that icy, unattainable coolness anymore, but rather an accessible warmth. They don’t resist the inevitability of aging, they are highly self-aware, honest, kind. They know life is short and they can laugh at the absurdity of it all!" YES!!! This is why my mother is my coolest of girls. After years of having to play a particular role (the foremost of which was pastor's wife which is a tough gig), she's wholly truly doing HER. And that's not say that that her coolness is static but is evolving as she continues to evolve. There's an inner searchingness and curiosity about life that expresses itself outwardly though fashion and beauty, but also in how she moves in life.
She's starting making clothes for herself again, including these beautiful ethereal quilt coats, is currently transitioning to locs, has the best vintage purse collection I've ever seen, and is the Queen of the Scene whenever we go to flea markets or thrift shops. She makes art, gardens, and is constantly asking me to pick up books for her on a wide range of subjects from the library I work at. What I love too is that my 9 year old niece has her grandmother as a model of how-to-be-you and I can see the refractions of my mother in her. It's the best.
your mom sounds incredible. and i love that she's your source of inspiration - to have that be your flesh and blood is the best. the description of her and your relationship and how it funnels through generations is making my day.
i realize i've had this kind of internalized capitalism about home made stuff. i used to see handmade clothes and think "ick". i realized i was totally programmed to just want things that some authority told me was cool. i have this new found respect for handmade clothes and im sure id adore the quilt coats.
This is the best thing I’ve read on the internet in a long time. And it perfectly captures the issues I’ve been wrestling with. As I’ve been writing about beauty, hyper consumerism, and the marketing machine, I’m also waking up to how insidious it all is. It really does rob us of our joy and our humanity.
I recently did a Venn diagram to help me identify my style. Which brands I align with. What’s my cool girl aesthetic now that I’m a mom working in a creative capacity in the beauty industry. And the whole exercise gave me more anxiety! I’ve just been wearing white tee shirt and jeans for the last two weeks because the exercise made me short-circuit!
This piece just sums it all up so beautifully. The cool girl is manufactured. And many of us are waking up to this. Thank you for sharing your story with such clarity.
thank you! i think honestly taking a break and just wearing white tees and jeans for a while is a good idea. its all manufactured for sure. and its fun to have fun with it when it actually FEELS fun. otherwise, im good.
Im here to praise you I hope you did a good camiño.
But the caption of the death of the cool girl raises an issue I have for many years: why colour ways for woman sneakers are so so lame.
Also this: “Perhaps confidence isn’t something to be built; it's right under the surface when that heavy bulk of needing to be someone is lifted.” “Brava”.
Thank you, it was really wonderful. excited to try the Portuguese one some day :)
Women's shoe color choices often feel really juvenile or just uggo. Hiking clothes too - its why i had a men's Patagonia jacket. The woman's version was two-toned and looked childish!
One time I asked a sales guy in a running shoe store if he had any women’s running shoes in colors besides pink and gray, and he proceeded to mansplain me about how shoe companies do extensive focus groups with women before releasing colors and PINK AND GRAY ARE WHAT WOMEN WANT. 🤮
I’ve committed myself to buy everything I possibly can second hand this year (the only thing new I’ve bought new in 7 months is my wedding dress, telling myself that doesn’t count lol) and it’s really made an impact on how I shop and how I view the ever increasing pace of the trend cycle. I’ve also been asking myself how pieces of clothing fit into my lifestyle before I buy them. I get around 30% on foot, 50% on bike, 15% on public transit and 5% by car and it really informs how I dress and shop. Do those cute trendy ballet flats fit my life style? Can I deal with the tight rubbing that micro mini will create? No!!! I’ve made peace with wearing my ugly pink trail running shoes to work or the bar with friends with whatever bike friendly/sensible outfit I’ve put together that day and I’ve never felt cooler tbh.
yes! and youre right the wedding dress doesnt count ;) when clothes function for our every day life we really see them differently. also it seems like i see a lot of people rocking ugly trail running shoes at the bar lately anyway ha! im into it
What a transformative experience — thanks for sharing. Would love to do that someday but phoneless neighborhood walks will do for now haha.
I think I felt some of this when I moved out of NYC a few years ago. I realized so much of life there was chasing the newest cool thing to “be seen with” — I think for me it was more restaurants/instagrammable spots than fashion trends per se but the dynamics are the same.
As a new mom, my current struggle is with “cool new moms” 🤣 working on tuning that out more…
yeah leaving the city makes all the difference. nyc is definitely a place where keeping up feels really intense. "cool new moms" is also an illusion im sure, but yes its hard! and congrats on becoming a new mother!
Amazing column, clicked "subscribe" before I even finished reading. I chased cool (and worked in fashion) for most of my life -- to the degree that the idea of retiring was terrifying. Who would I even be once that identity was gone?? The answer: a human who still enjoys getting dressed but has definitely jumped off the hamster wheel of chasing trends and dressing to demonstrate and constantly legitimize my membership in the Fashion Tribe. This is the gift of aging!! The irony is, that in giving up the chase, I somehow feel more authentically cool. Yes, I've put on 10 pounds but only half of those are from dessert -- the other 5 are muscle!
Fantastic read. I’m reading this from my motherland in North East Spain and I might go and pick up churros after I write this comment.
This is something I have pondering on for month - I am so so so tired of the cool girl and the cool girl narrative, which very often is one and the same as the mean girl. It’s so tired and I’m seeing many signs that we all are done with it. Thank you for writing this 🌹
no way, Liza! thats really amazing. my family is basque - mostly in Pamplona and San sebastian. i really hope youre enjoying it there right now, it makes me so happy to think of you eating churros :)
i agree it seems like many of us really are done with it, which feels really good!
Last question: No Cool girl crush whatsoever, no icons, no heroes for me (since ever, to the point I didn’t had any posters on my bedroom while growing). I admire a few souls that standout for differentiated mind and energy. Xx
i generally find that quiet time with myself leads to the best breakthroughs and usually ends with physical laughter about how absurd the society and structures we live in are when you take a break from them, although my execution of this alone time has never included an extensive multi-day walk so kudos to you for that achievement alone.
the more i just observe the world around me without judgement, i realize everyone is truly doing their own thing and while there are groups of people doing similar things, the stuff that’s popular on the internet or in celeb culture is not always what’s representative of what’s going on outside my front door.
at this point in my life, i truly think the coolest thing anyone can do is figure what they like in any realm of life and do that thing confidently. the idea that there’s one aesthetic or lifestyle way to “be cool” is dead and i think that’s just the coolest.
beautiful perspective and so true. the internet seems rarely representative of my immediate surroundings for sure. and i agree..."cool" dying is something to celebrate.
I related to this article so deeply! I have also been on long journeys and walks with just a few change of clothes on my back. I haven’t done the Camino but I’ve done walks through the Annapurnas solo, etc…
A few observations - part of the reason I love solo travel which is then magnified on these types of solo journeys is that you are stripped of all outward societal markers of “who you are”, yes clothes and stuff, but also people (also something that people judge you by and you can place your identity in.) All you have left is whats’s inside, and you’re interacting with people on the road in the same position. It’s incredibly freeing and quickly helps you realize what is what.
I clearly remember like it was yesterday, at the end of the hike, there was one woman who was literally going crazy, screaming, just get me on that bus and back to civilization. I don’t know if it was the 4am wakeups, the 8hr/day walking or the not so great food, but the time alone made her crazy.
Anyway, thank you again for yet another insightful piece!
Annapurna! impressive. Ive always wanted to go there. didn't know you were into solo walks and travel too. its so fun.
you nailed it about the societal markets being stripped - not only for yourself but for others. its really really nice to connect with people on these journeys.
also i was probably that woman - screaming internally haha - for a few days on my journey. i was like get me back, get me out of here. but eventually i realized i could choose to keep screaming and suffer or just enjoy! but also your trek sounds a lot harder than mine hahaha
What's the terrain like for the Camino...is some of it through civilization? I guess that would help so that you could have access to -- most critically -- proper showers and toilets!!
for the route i took which is called the frances route ,its generally pretty flat! in and mostly through civilization. there are other routes that are a bit harder and less near civilization (the primitivo route, the camino del norte) that i do want to try some day but the frances route goes through where my family lives so i chose it this time to stop in a few towns and see them. its by no means super grueling but some people have their bags sent forward each day with a service. its really nada compared to the terrain you did in annapurnas. i just finished the kumano kodo in japan and that was a bit more challenging, rustic, and had quieter towns. the camino is pretty touristy in parts compared to most which makes it really fun! but definitely less of a legit "hike" id say
This is an interesting press on the reasons why we dress, outside the marketing melee. We have two categories:
1) Dressing to appear cool (to others)
2) Dressing to feel like the most “you” version of yourself
I’m not going to lie and say I’m never pursuing this elusive idea of cool, but as a writer and artist, the second category is what compels me to fashion at all. The people who treat style with an artist’s eye—i.e. coalescing pieces that create a feeling of unexpected delight—that intrigues me. There is a sensibility around this that I want to crack for myself. For me, that’s not a white tshirt and jeans and a skinny frame, but thinking about shape, texture, colorways, (hell, to get real artsy) even form to hit that neural thrill. IMO, this kind of dressing reflects the artistry you see in masters like Prada and Jonathan Anderson/Loewe collections…it’s not just wearing clothes, it’s doing something else. (NOT to say I ever hit their registers of higher-level clothes, hahaha—just that it’s worth aspiring to in your closet.)
Re: effort vs none, I read a smart Substack comment about how probably 5% of people in the world do really compelling, artist-like level dressing intuitively. Think your Chloe Sevignys. The rest of us have to work at our craft, so to speak—but maybe that’s the fun of it, and what brings joy to getting dressed at all, that you are reaching for something you can’t quite hit yet, but maybe one day you will.
this is so interesting, i had no idea about the 5%. love chloe and makes sense she would be there. love your distinction between the most "you" version and tying in texture and form. really good points to think about.
Thank you for taking the time to explain your internal (and external!) journey here. I totally get and respect everything you said. It took courage to take those thoughts and make life changes AND blog about the fact that you realized you were just capitalism's pawn. I had the same revelation arrivng in part from a big move to rural Italy and in part from a bad breakup where my ex threw everything I owned out a window. It's all stuff. Do I really need it?
i'm so glad it resonated with you. also that's a tough situation and i'm sorry youre going through it - situations like that seem to show us we really dont need it all after all.
The thing I like the most about you wrote about is the concept of giving up on being anything other than just a normal human being - not striving for an elevated version of self in any realm. The sweet relief in that! What if being is enough? I feel this concept is true for style and «coolness» and in so many aspects of life. If you stop objectifying yourself by looking at yourself through the lens of the imagined perceiver - what then? So much creativity and enjoyment can arise from that in a way that feels so much more loving and peaceful. I felt what you describe when I lived remotely in the arctic. With the solitude came some boredom and lack of stimulation, yet I don’t think I’ve ever felt so creatively inspired as I did then! Great writing - thank you so much.
yes! i can apply it everywhere. crazy what happens when we let go of certain things - a lot rises up that can fill us up. living in the artic sounds INCREDIBLE. what an experience.
I feel like you articulated exactly how I’ve been thinking recently (I’m on a restricted shopping mission, doing the rule of 5 challenge this year and it’s changing my thought patterns about fashion, shopping, etc). When I’m tempted by an ad or Instagram outfit, I ask myself “cute shirt or just a cute body?” Just like the image you posted, mostly its “cute body.” Feeling comfortable/confident in a t shirt and jeans is my new goal- it’s surprisingly difficult. Love this post and thank you for writing it!
yeah exactly what happens to me - a lot. sometimes when i hate all the clothes in my closet i realize its because im actually just hating my body. when i fix my relationship with that, clothes feel easier.
CUTE GIRL OR CUTE BODY?!?! Brilliant logic. I’m running out to make us all bracelets that say CGOCB a la WWJD from the 90s.
yes new mantra!
lol! New mantra unlocked
Yes pls, where do I sign up?!
Oh same! The frequency I use the 'is that a great outfit or are they actually a model' reflection question is too damn high.
The cute girl or just a cool body question is so accurate, I think it's even ingrained in our minds after growing in a culture that tells us there's only one way to be beautiful and keeping up with certain beauty standards!
This substack continues to be some of the best fashion writing on the internet. This spoke to my soul. I would love it if you published a reading list with books/articles/etc that inform your writing here.
that makes me so happy - and thats something i would love to do. thank you for a great idea, im putting it on my idea sheet now :)
Yes please!!!
Love this comment. Doesn’t Totally Recommend feel like it could be the YM or Sassy for adults?? I so want a whole magazine styled by TR
"I find that my new idea of a “cool girl” doesn’t exude that icy, unattainable coolness anymore, but rather an accessible warmth. They don’t resist the inevitability of aging, they are highly self-aware, honest, kind. They know life is short and they can laugh at the absurdity of it all!" YES!!! This is why my mother is my coolest of girls. After years of having to play a particular role (the foremost of which was pastor's wife which is a tough gig), she's wholly truly doing HER. And that's not say that that her coolness is static but is evolving as she continues to evolve. There's an inner searchingness and curiosity about life that expresses itself outwardly though fashion and beauty, but also in how she moves in life.
She's starting making clothes for herself again, including these beautiful ethereal quilt coats, is currently transitioning to locs, has the best vintage purse collection I've ever seen, and is the Queen of the Scene whenever we go to flea markets or thrift shops. She makes art, gardens, and is constantly asking me to pick up books for her on a wide range of subjects from the library I work at. What I love too is that my 9 year old niece has her grandmother as a model of how-to-be-you and I can see the refractions of my mother in her. It's the best.
your mom sounds incredible. and i love that she's your source of inspiration - to have that be your flesh and blood is the best. the description of her and your relationship and how it funnels through generations is making my day.
i realize i've had this kind of internalized capitalism about home made stuff. i used to see handmade clothes and think "ick". i realized i was totally programmed to just want things that some authority told me was cool. i have this new found respect for handmade clothes and im sure id adore the quilt coats.
Your point of your mom evolving is truly the coolest of the cool.
This is the best thing I’ve read on the internet in a long time. And it perfectly captures the issues I’ve been wrestling with. As I’ve been writing about beauty, hyper consumerism, and the marketing machine, I’m also waking up to how insidious it all is. It really does rob us of our joy and our humanity.
I recently did a Venn diagram to help me identify my style. Which brands I align with. What’s my cool girl aesthetic now that I’m a mom working in a creative capacity in the beauty industry. And the whole exercise gave me more anxiety! I’ve just been wearing white tee shirt and jeans for the last two weeks because the exercise made me short-circuit!
This piece just sums it all up so beautifully. The cool girl is manufactured. And many of us are waking up to this. Thank you for sharing your story with such clarity.
thank you! i think honestly taking a break and just wearing white tees and jeans for a while is a good idea. its all manufactured for sure. and its fun to have fun with it when it actually FEELS fun. otherwise, im good.
Im here to praise you I hope you did a good camiño.
But the caption of the death of the cool girl raises an issue I have for many years: why colour ways for woman sneakers are so so lame.
Also this: “Perhaps confidence isn’t something to be built; it's right under the surface when that heavy bulk of needing to be someone is lifted.” “Brava”.
Thank you, it was really wonderful. excited to try the Portuguese one some day :)
Women's shoe color choices often feel really juvenile or just uggo. Hiking clothes too - its why i had a men's Patagonia jacket. The woman's version was two-toned and looked childish!
One time I asked a sales guy in a running shoe store if he had any women’s running shoes in colors besides pink and gray, and he proceeded to mansplain me about how shoe companies do extensive focus groups with women before releasing colors and PINK AND GRAY ARE WHAT WOMEN WANT. 🤮
oh nothing worse than being mansplained about a focus group on what women want. hahaha. gross!
Sad 😒
The coastline just hits different! Let me know if you do this might be there wishing “bom caminho”
Can very much relate to this “drama”.
I’ve committed myself to buy everything I possibly can second hand this year (the only thing new I’ve bought new in 7 months is my wedding dress, telling myself that doesn’t count lol) and it’s really made an impact on how I shop and how I view the ever increasing pace of the trend cycle. I’ve also been asking myself how pieces of clothing fit into my lifestyle before I buy them. I get around 30% on foot, 50% on bike, 15% on public transit and 5% by car and it really informs how I dress and shop. Do those cute trendy ballet flats fit my life style? Can I deal with the tight rubbing that micro mini will create? No!!! I’ve made peace with wearing my ugly pink trail running shoes to work or the bar with friends with whatever bike friendly/sensible outfit I’ve put together that day and I’ve never felt cooler tbh.
yes! and youre right the wedding dress doesnt count ;) when clothes function for our every day life we really see them differently. also it seems like i see a lot of people rocking ugly trail running shoes at the bar lately anyway ha! im into it
What a transformative experience — thanks for sharing. Would love to do that someday but phoneless neighborhood walks will do for now haha.
I think I felt some of this when I moved out of NYC a few years ago. I realized so much of life there was chasing the newest cool thing to “be seen with” — I think for me it was more restaurants/instagrammable spots than fashion trends per se but the dynamics are the same.
As a new mom, my current struggle is with “cool new moms” 🤣 working on tuning that out more…
yeah leaving the city makes all the difference. nyc is definitely a place where keeping up feels really intense. "cool new moms" is also an illusion im sure, but yes its hard! and congrats on becoming a new mother!
So done with the Boomeranged “cool” bar/restaurant thing. Honestly, no matter the city, it all looks the same.
boomeranged cool bar, im loling
I love the phone less neighborhood walks. You’ve got to start somewhere.
Amazing column, clicked "subscribe" before I even finished reading. I chased cool (and worked in fashion) for most of my life -- to the degree that the idea of retiring was terrifying. Who would I even be once that identity was gone?? The answer: a human who still enjoys getting dressed but has definitely jumped off the hamster wheel of chasing trends and dressing to demonstrate and constantly legitimize my membership in the Fashion Tribe. This is the gift of aging!! The irony is, that in giving up the chase, I somehow feel more authentically cool. Yes, I've put on 10 pounds but only half of those are from dessert -- the other 5 are muscle!
love that you have been able to jump off the wheel. and see aging as a gift. how refreshing! and yay to celebrating muscle! and dessert :)
Fantastic read. I’m reading this from my motherland in North East Spain and I might go and pick up churros after I write this comment.
This is something I have pondering on for month - I am so so so tired of the cool girl and the cool girl narrative, which very often is one and the same as the mean girl. It’s so tired and I’m seeing many signs that we all are done with it. Thank you for writing this 🌹
no way, Liza! thats really amazing. my family is basque - mostly in Pamplona and San sebastian. i really hope youre enjoying it there right now, it makes me so happy to think of you eating churros :)
i agree it seems like many of us really are done with it, which feels really good!
So much wisdom here. This is quickly becoming my favorite substack. Think I'll make my two teens read this. <3
thank you so much, and thats just about the sweetest compliment ever. hi teens if youre reading :D
Last question: No Cool girl crush whatsoever, no icons, no heroes for me (since ever, to the point I didn’t had any posters on my bedroom while growing). I admire a few souls that standout for differentiated mind and energy. Xx
well that makes you the ultimate cool girl now doesnt it :)
Ah! I hope not or yes! Can’t tell if it is a good or a bad thing! 🫠
its meant in a good way, youre one of a kind absolutely!
i generally find that quiet time with myself leads to the best breakthroughs and usually ends with physical laughter about how absurd the society and structures we live in are when you take a break from them, although my execution of this alone time has never included an extensive multi-day walk so kudos to you for that achievement alone.
the more i just observe the world around me without judgement, i realize everyone is truly doing their own thing and while there are groups of people doing similar things, the stuff that’s popular on the internet or in celeb culture is not always what’s representative of what’s going on outside my front door.
at this point in my life, i truly think the coolest thing anyone can do is figure what they like in any realm of life and do that thing confidently. the idea that there’s one aesthetic or lifestyle way to “be cool” is dead and i think that’s just the coolest.
beautiful perspective and so true. the internet seems rarely representative of my immediate surroundings for sure. and i agree..."cool" dying is something to celebrate.
All of this is so well put
I related to this article so deeply! I have also been on long journeys and walks with just a few change of clothes on my back. I haven’t done the Camino but I’ve done walks through the Annapurnas solo, etc…
A few observations - part of the reason I love solo travel which is then magnified on these types of solo journeys is that you are stripped of all outward societal markers of “who you are”, yes clothes and stuff, but also people (also something that people judge you by and you can place your identity in.) All you have left is whats’s inside, and you’re interacting with people on the road in the same position. It’s incredibly freeing and quickly helps you realize what is what.
I clearly remember like it was yesterday, at the end of the hike, there was one woman who was literally going crazy, screaming, just get me on that bus and back to civilization. I don’t know if it was the 4am wakeups, the 8hr/day walking or the not so great food, but the time alone made her crazy.
Anyway, thank you again for yet another insightful piece!
Annapurna! impressive. Ive always wanted to go there. didn't know you were into solo walks and travel too. its so fun.
you nailed it about the societal markets being stripped - not only for yourself but for others. its really really nice to connect with people on these journeys.
also i was probably that woman - screaming internally haha - for a few days on my journey. i was like get me back, get me out of here. but eventually i realized i could choose to keep screaming and suffer or just enjoy! but also your trek sounds a lot harder than mine hahaha
What's the terrain like for the Camino...is some of it through civilization? I guess that would help so that you could have access to -- most critically -- proper showers and toilets!!
for the route i took which is called the frances route ,its generally pretty flat! in and mostly through civilization. there are other routes that are a bit harder and less near civilization (the primitivo route, the camino del norte) that i do want to try some day but the frances route goes through where my family lives so i chose it this time to stop in a few towns and see them. its by no means super grueling but some people have their bags sent forward each day with a service. its really nada compared to the terrain you did in annapurnas. i just finished the kumano kodo in japan and that was a bit more challenging, rustic, and had quieter towns. the camino is pretty touristy in parts compared to most which makes it really fun! but definitely less of a legit "hike" id say
This is an interesting press on the reasons why we dress, outside the marketing melee. We have two categories:
1) Dressing to appear cool (to others)
2) Dressing to feel like the most “you” version of yourself
I’m not going to lie and say I’m never pursuing this elusive idea of cool, but as a writer and artist, the second category is what compels me to fashion at all. The people who treat style with an artist’s eye—i.e. coalescing pieces that create a feeling of unexpected delight—that intrigues me. There is a sensibility around this that I want to crack for myself. For me, that’s not a white tshirt and jeans and a skinny frame, but thinking about shape, texture, colorways, (hell, to get real artsy) even form to hit that neural thrill. IMO, this kind of dressing reflects the artistry you see in masters like Prada and Jonathan Anderson/Loewe collections…it’s not just wearing clothes, it’s doing something else. (NOT to say I ever hit their registers of higher-level clothes, hahaha—just that it’s worth aspiring to in your closet.)
Re: effort vs none, I read a smart Substack comment about how probably 5% of people in the world do really compelling, artist-like level dressing intuitively. Think your Chloe Sevignys. The rest of us have to work at our craft, so to speak—but maybe that’s the fun of it, and what brings joy to getting dressed at all, that you are reaching for something you can’t quite hit yet, but maybe one day you will.
this is so interesting, i had no idea about the 5%. love chloe and makes sense she would be there. love your distinction between the most "you" version and tying in texture and form. really good points to think about.
Thank you for taking the time to explain your internal (and external!) journey here. I totally get and respect everything you said. It took courage to take those thoughts and make life changes AND blog about the fact that you realized you were just capitalism's pawn. I had the same revelation arrivng in part from a big move to rural Italy and in part from a bad breakup where my ex threw everything I owned out a window. It's all stuff. Do I really need it?
i'm so glad it resonated with you. also that's a tough situation and i'm sorry youre going through it - situations like that seem to show us we really dont need it all after all.
The thing I like the most about you wrote about is the concept of giving up on being anything other than just a normal human being - not striving for an elevated version of self in any realm. The sweet relief in that! What if being is enough? I feel this concept is true for style and «coolness» and in so many aspects of life. If you stop objectifying yourself by looking at yourself through the lens of the imagined perceiver - what then? So much creativity and enjoyment can arise from that in a way that feels so much more loving and peaceful. I felt what you describe when I lived remotely in the arctic. With the solitude came some boredom and lack of stimulation, yet I don’t think I’ve ever felt so creatively inspired as I did then! Great writing - thank you so much.
yes! i can apply it everywhere. crazy what happens when we let go of certain things - a lot rises up that can fill us up. living in the artic sounds INCREDIBLE. what an experience.