I’m at the end of month 7 of my no retail year experiment and I can tell you the first 2 months (post holiday sales!) are the most challenging. And then it becomes…freeing. And maybe even a little defiant. And now I actually feel more creative with my closet and somehow lighter. My mantra for this year: I have enough I am enough. And as crazy as it sounds…I actually feel better than I have in years. And while I’ve been reexamining my relationship with retail, so too have I with food, alcohol and friendships. I’m down 5 pounds, maintaining relationship boundaries and celebrating my evolutions! I’m planning a closet purge in December and I’m really considering what I feel like I want to add to my wardrobe persona for next year. 10/10 recommend this experiment!!
The best thing I’ve done is to force myself to in-person shopping only. I did this for three months last year and it really helped curb impulsive/lonely/stress spending! I think it also limits returns, too, because I already know if something fits.
i hear you - do you find its better for you to shop online? its also hard in smaller towns where theres not as many options. easy if you dont want to be tempted. but hard if you actually need something
Great idea in theory, nearly impossible for people who aren't "normal sized." Unless I want to spend a fortune in tailoring, I buy petite-sizing, which is nearly only ever available online. I also have small children which makes in person shopping difficult. My solution is to buy secondhand where I can, and try and buy only made-in-US things. But that doesn't always work either. Abercrombie and Old Navy are some of the only places that make consistently good quality petite clothes. I do my best to take care of my clothes, only gentle cycle, never the dryer, stain-removing and repairing when possible. And I recycle what I have to via Trashie!
I’m glad all of that works for you! Just sharing what works for me! :) I wish it was more standard to have a variety of models represented online and more detailed garment measurements on brand sites.
I've found this to be true for me, too. I've never enjoyed buying online and every time I do and have to return it, I get more firm in my stance to just shop in-person. This goes for clothes, but honestly everything else, too. I bought a toilet paper holder and a dog shower attachment on Amazon that I need to send back because neither work for me. =/
This is it. You articulated the VERY thing that's been swirling around in my mind over the last few weeks, and it has paralyzed me. Like you, I write a Substack. Mine is focused on the beauty industry, marketing, and building brands with soul. And it gets really challenging to keep championing the virtues of an industry that has been seized by insane trend cycles, the constant thirst for newness, and the influencer and affiliate machine that drives them. And then we read about "the age of exhaustion", burnout, and the virtues of becoming a minimalist. I believe the latter are a direct response to the former. The bottom line is, hyperconsumerism doesn't satisfy. It's actually designed to keep us thirsty, yet never satiate. Meanwhile, the large companies like Shein and Zara are getting fatter and fatter with profits. The last thing they want is for us to believe we have enough. But seeing what we have as enough, and making intentional investments in things that last, is the way for us to reclaim control in a culture of hyperconsumption. Thank you for sharing this, and don't be shocked if I link to this piece in my next post. ;) xx
Thank you for this, as always. As my fingers form words of response, they all sound like justifications and platitudes in my ears. So I will sit in the discomfort for a moment. Which seems appropriate. XO.
Hey! We're all learning here. I don't have all the answers and I would love to hear any of your thoughts! I view my writing as the beginning of a conversation. internet culture always makes me feel like I must put the constant disclaimer: my view is not the end all be all. It's so unnatural and unlike normal healthy conversation. I missed a lot here and if I didn't think that it would be kinda nuts 😂
Oh no, none of my thoughts are like that, like "you missed X." You are so smart and thorough. What I go back to are why I won't just stop and be satisfied. And yet will always be striving. For me shopping is my #1 hobby (I read, I love museums, I am not a shallow shit, but it is, it is) and clothing is deeply tied to how I feel about myself, how I exist in the world. At one point I secretly hoped to find stats that travel (on airplanes) made that an equally negatively impactful hobby -- but it isn't even close. I do the things -- shop resale, support conscious makers, promote circularity through my end to end actions, TRY to limit quantity, and care. But beyond that, not only do I keep going, shopping, failing, I also don't want to stop. I justify what is truly not justifiable. Right now my battle is repeating. Learning the joy of repeating. And in the same breath, placing orders. Which makes repeating harder and harder. I have to face, I think, the reality that I am making choices. Some are good and some are not. All choices.
i love your honesty and i know you're no shallow shit 😂 there's a lot that's "right" about your love of fashion. you've given a lot to think about here!
I spent years as an apparel design and product developer and I will say from a manufacturing perspective, I had to make choices when designing our products: 1) stand behind the high quality fabric, construction, fit and retail it at a fair cost which was always quite high and we found the majority of consumers didn’t want to pay for and even if they did, the margins were so bad 2) Cost engineer to meet the margin demands. This usually meant small tweaks that would go relatively unnoticed to the average consumer. Reduce the fabric weight by 10-20 grams, switch out to a slightly lesser quality zipper/linings/buttons, add unnecessary seams so we didn’t have to increase fabric specs etc
This is why I totally agree with the comment that you have choose based on individual pieces, not the brand. Every brand has trade offs they need to make to meet margins and they can spread that across their assortment by offering high quality/low margin in one product vs lower quality/high margin in another.
I do think there are smaller brands doing a great job designing very intentional pieces with slower and smaller production runs where they can control the quality but it comes at a higher price point which isn’t as accessible.
I think this is why so many are drawn to secondhand. The price value usually makes more sense. You can get beautiful 100% cashmeres and silks that are well constructed and last (as they have lasted already for 10-20+ years!) OR you can get a blended 90% cotton 10% cashmere at a much higher price point or fast fashion, but if it’s trending or being hyped, will always find a buyer!
such a thoughtful comment and i love this insight from someone who has actually been involved in the process. secondhand really does seem to be the way! what small brands do you love?
I love Micaela Greg for thoughtful knitwear and denim, Wardrobe NYC and Esse Studios for elevated luxe basics, AYR for casual shirting (though not sure if these are considered small anymore!). I think Ozma, Vincent James, Nanin Studio, and Donni are great too depending on the fabric program as some can be a little less constructed (but still beautiful qualities!)
I also think the greatest thing we can do for sustainability is wear more, buy less. Im by no means perfect with this! When it comes to our own style, it can be hard to create a strong POV when you are constantly adding new to your wardrobe!
My challenge is definitely finding quality clothes lately. I have a Banana Republic sweater from the 90s that is still going strong. But the stuff I buy new falls apart or shrinks quickly.
My mom gave me an old Reebok tshirt from the 80s: WOW. It's real cotton, stays true to size after washing, feels good in your hand and on your skin, it's amazing the difference in quality.
Spouse got a pile of decades old collared long sleeve shirts from his Dad who was downsizing; we took them straight to a tailor and had the sleeves cut off to make short sleeve shirts out of them after trying in vain to find quality summer shirts.
It is a treat these days to find a stack of clothes from the 90s or older in my mom's house; they might not fit, but they're quality lol.
Would you be interested in doing a post about “how to take your clothes to the tailor”? Like, what kinds of things you can ask for to make certain items off clothing fit better, etc. Perhaps it’s just me, but I find the whole experience intimidating, so I’ve only gone to tailors for mending.
Ooooh, interesting point. What's intimidating about it? Are you not sure what to ask for? Does going to the tailor feel like a rarefied space? I'd love to know, as I write a Substack about bespoke clothing and tailoring. That would be a fun piece to do.
Yes, not knowing what to ask for is the big thing. Like I remember reading a thing about how Jennifer Aniston has her t-shirts tailored, and that’s why they look so good on her. However, I know it’s not as simple as showing up and going “here’s my t-shirt; I’d like it tailored please!” It feels kind of high stakes (because I’ve already bought the t-shirt and what if it looks even worse afterwards) and also in my limited experience, tailors usually seem kind of grumpy, like you’ve interrupted them. Am I supposed to make an appointment? It’s hard to get a sense of the etiquette.
And it’d be helpful to know what kinds of fit issues a tailor can’t help with.
Yes 90s clothes!! My mom just purged her closet from the 90s and out came things like … Liz Claiborne brand 100% silk trousers. 100% silk!! From a mid-tier brand! And they are still stunning. Not thin or cheap silk.
I could cry think of the j crew stuff I had in high school in the early 2000s and gave away when I went off to college. I found one Pima cotton turtleneck that somehow missed the purge and it’s miles better than anything you’d find today (at J crew or any of the nicer brands)
Oh I know! I purged some of my 80s clothes and am still kicking myself. I'm praying I find the one box with some vintage tshirts in it that (maybe I dreamed??!) I didn't give away. GIVE AWAY! What was I thinking?! I moved them from place to place during college and finally got tired of it. I could KICK myself. (I also purged my VINYL. groan.)
Personally I’ve found app-based wardrobe tracking has been the key to this. I hate to see any numbers other than the utilisation rate go up. It injects some objectivity into what is really working for me and helps me to play around with potential purchases a bit before buying. This year I’ve been doing a one new item a month challenge and it was going great until I got a modest, unexpected windfall (right before the summer sales), so now I’m trying to get back on track - this post was a great dose of motivation!
We are soul-sisters! Wardrobe app tracking has changed my life. Especially when I could sort my “least worn” like why would I buy something new when I hardly wear things in my closet!
I use Whering! It takes a while to get set up but I think they all do. The data collection is great (at least at the beginning) and they’re working on improvements.
Love Gabor Maté! I went through a period when I was spending upwards of $700 each month on beauty + clothes after a breakup. Once I was healed, two things became very clear to me: 1) the hyper consumption was a behavior meant to fill a void. Seeing it firsthand taught me to dig deeper into what I’m truly feeling when I want to shop - do I need something or am I trying to distract from my feelings? 2) I don’t know how to shop. I have nothing to show those repeated $700 shopping sprees, which tells me I was mindlessly buying what influencers recommended and have no clue what my personal style is. I’ve donated/sold a ton of it, but am on a journey to figure out what I gravitate towards so I can buy things I will wear often. It’s been a tough journey because I keep encountering expensive, low-quality clothes everywhere I turn.
i love gabor too! the times where im buying most in my life i am generally unhappy. i love that you make that connection. clothes straddle this necessity / luxury place in our lives so its very easy to justify purchases.
I always do a little cheer whenever I see a Total Rec newsletter in my inbox. This one was another banger.
I’ve been thinking about quality a lot. More recently, with the MNZ x J Crew collab. I’ve always had an eye on MNZ as a designer because her pieces have that NYC Cool Girl allure.
I only own two MNZ items: a pink leather tote and a satin scrunchie. After one wear, the leather tote scuffed beyond satisfactory repair (I only wore it to go to Trader Joe’s!), and my scrunchie is already fraying. I’ve seen MNZ clothing in real life, and it doesn’t seem like it will hold up, either.
All this to say, when I saw the collab and everyone’s excitement, I looked at the collection, put a couple of items in my cart, and sat on it for two days. When most of the items sold out, I closed the tab to my cart and didn't feel bummed at all. A win for me!
One last thought: I appreciate that collaborations with stores like J. Crew, Gap, and Target make typically expensive designer items more accessible, but at what cost? It also gives me emotional whiplash when the girlies in the Substack chats discuss J.Crew's declining quality one moment and then rave about grabbing collab items the next.
youre the best. the MNZ stuff was gonna get me too. ive never owned her items but ive always wanted them! im glad to hear someone with experience...and im glad everything ended up being sold out for you lol!
Also.. “Unless you’re finally ready to run away to the nudist colony with that Burning Man boyfriend — some solutions are in order”
made me laugh as I thought to myself.. you’ve made it to ROUTE 66 (years old), been married 3x, been equally both VERY responsible & VERY adventurous & yet you’ve still not run off w a burning man BF (now feeling very pious & responsible 🤣🌺)
@zoë cheering w you! Also.. re MNZ.. will always remember 1st time I saw MNZ store (like 20 years ago??)~ I was raising 2 kids on a residents’ salary in Boston (aka how I funded child raising w SallieMae) & I walked by the store early 1 morning & wrote down the name.. thinking.. “when I finally have a dollar I’ll come here”
Many 💵later.. I TOO have only the scrunchy (cure) & the bag I used 3x & sold on TRR (for birdseed basically).. oh, & the dance pants.. I do like those..
& yet, last evening thought.. oh !!! I should break my “no fast fashion” rule & go to ….j crew… blah blah. I also refrained.
But.. I TOO am in the (wayyyyy lesss but still ingrained) buy/sell/buy vintage/give-away “shopping is a hobby” mindset that is ultimately less fun/kinda annoying/way more deeply rooted in something that’s hard to look at than I’m always willing to admit that Mrs. Solomon (forgot can’t link in comments) speaks to above
Thank you for this! I’ve been keeping a wishlist on a spreadsheet for 4 years now. I make myself wait up to a month before I buy something new which has mostly kept me from making impulse purchases. I still buy things I don’t need more often than I’d like to admit. It’s interesting to look at past wishlists to see what I actually bought and what was desirable at the time that was totally influenced by media. Reminds me of the early aughts when I wanted that Chloe Paddington bag and when I finally got a good look at it in person it was heavy, expensive, and not my style. Online shopping makes it easier to be consumed with want. I’m trying to unsubscribe to marketing emails and stop reading so much about shopping. The reminder to be happy with what we have (and try our best to buy good quality when we do shop) is appreciated!
this spreadsheet idea is genius!!! i bet its pretty damn entertaining...yes, after all the sales this week i went through and did a mass unsubscribe. the marketing emails are overwhelming!
The problem for me is 1. Fit and 2. Cost. My wardrobe budget is really at the J.Crew/Madewell price point — I have other expenses and investments in my life, and that’s the best balance of price and quality. Could I spend more on a higher quality item? Sure, but even then I don’t feel like the quality is good enough to warrant the delta in price. I also think clothes, whether it’s the physical pattern or whatever styles are in, just aren’t made to fit every body — more than 50% of the things I buy are returned due to fit. And often returns cost $ for shipping or in public transit costs to go to the stores (if they even exist) in person. Just feels like a lose-lose situation most of the time.
Bravo as always!! Being “on-line” AT ALL makes feeling like I have enough so hard. I have gone months feeling content and I have had days where I want to buy everything I see. The biggest difference in these seasons is usually my screentime number. And I realize that this speaks to my own weakness of being influenced by other people’s outfits but becoming aware of it has also helped me put down the phone and walk away when my shoppies get too high.
Really enjoyed this piece, thank you! You might enjoy this book:
Less: Stop Buying So Much Rubbish: How Having Fewer, Better Things Can Make Us Happier by Patrick Grant. Touches on a lot of what you have covered. It’s quite Uk-centric in places but the overall message of the book is universal.
I think most of this is true and I agree, but have you read The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality by Amanda Montell? She dedicates a chapter to this and how it's also a psychological trick of the mind-- we perceive everything to be "lower quality" or not "built to last" now-- partially because we actually can't see all the things that were low quality or *not* built to last from the past as they... didn't last this long.
I'm summarizing a well researched book on psychology in a small shitty comment, so I recommend reading, it's definitely very up your alley! I don't disagree that Shein is undeniably the worst quality, but I think the evil is perhaps less even the lifespan and more a culture and a lifestyle creep that makes people believe that they need a new look for every occasion, moment, feeling or whim that passes-- it's that behavior that fuels the Shein economy, IMO, not the other way around, though I know they feed each other into a chicken or egg cycle.
no! i havent read this but i need to! and yes, shein is evil in their model of making clothes INSANELY fast and now everyone else has to keep up with them to compete. its f--ed the entire system.
I really enjoyed your Gabor Maté quote inclusion. Lots to digest!
I’ve always bought infrequently for myself, given I buy slowly and thoughtfully but funnily today I did a wardrobe cleanse (am soon moving) and while I knew I had gained some weight (!) I suddenly didn’t fit into some cherished summer clothes. Now I’m caught in a familiar situation (I work with a lot of postpartum women) who are trying to find the elusive pieces that work between sizes and seasons.
In the ‘olden’ days (lol) clothes used to have extra material in the seams in order to ‘let out’ if you gained weight. Then you could sew back up when you lost weight. We don’t do that anymore. Clothes aren’t seen as pieces that live and grow with you and that makes me sad.
I’m currently living in Deiji Studios linen dresses (my fave) and one other Another Nue dress I bought in 2021 because it’s hot hot hot in the city. I don’t own much fast fashion anymore, mainly because I invest in pieces I’ll own for years and I won’t let this be an excuse to buy badly. I’m excited for the challenge - for myself!Whatever I buy, I will size up with the idea of having it tailored later and I’ll embrace the newfound softness after a challenging year x
im glad you appreciated that quote, i really love his work!
i love this idea of clothing living and growing with you. also love the acceptance and grace of allowing yourself to size up! tailor later if needed. gonna remember that one.
Have you checked on Posh or EBay for the next size up on your cherished summer clothing items? I have replaced some of my faves that didn’t fit anymore this way.
This was a great read. I've been working on a "shopping/not shopping" newsletter for the past two weeks and I currently have four drafts. I find it so difficult to pin down where I am with all of it right now! Having said that, I just went to two giant thrift stores today and spent about an hour in both, and I came home empty-handed. And it wasn't even difficult. Here I come, draft number 5!
I’m at the end of month 7 of my no retail year experiment and I can tell you the first 2 months (post holiday sales!) are the most challenging. And then it becomes…freeing. And maybe even a little defiant. And now I actually feel more creative with my closet and somehow lighter. My mantra for this year: I have enough I am enough. And as crazy as it sounds…I actually feel better than I have in years. And while I’ve been reexamining my relationship with retail, so too have I with food, alcohol and friendships. I’m down 5 pounds, maintaining relationship boundaries and celebrating my evolutions! I’m planning a closet purge in December and I’m really considering what I feel like I want to add to my wardrobe persona for next year. 10/10 recommend this experiment!!
phew thats amazing! happy for you
I love how your experiment extended from retail to other areas of your life.
The best thing I’ve done is to force myself to in-person shopping only. I did this for three months last year and it really helped curb impulsive/lonely/stress spending! I think it also limits returns, too, because I already know if something fits.
100%. its so important to see and feel.
That's a great idea, but it's hard for people with limited energy, budgets and fit problems.
When nothing in stores fits either my body, my budget or my taste, it was hard to shop in person.
i hear you - do you find its better for you to shop online? its also hard in smaller towns where theres not as many options. easy if you dont want to be tempted. but hard if you actually need something
Yep! I do know online shopping during the week and even that is super life-changing.
*no 😘
This is SUCH a good idea. (It makes me wish I didn’t live in a small college town right now! Limited clothing options here.)
i was also just thinking maybe it helps if you live in a place that actually doesn't even have a ton of options for this, i guess? haha
True!!
Ya think?
Such a good call
Great idea in theory, nearly impossible for people who aren't "normal sized." Unless I want to spend a fortune in tailoring, I buy petite-sizing, which is nearly only ever available online. I also have small children which makes in person shopping difficult. My solution is to buy secondhand where I can, and try and buy only made-in-US things. But that doesn't always work either. Abercrombie and Old Navy are some of the only places that make consistently good quality petite clothes. I do my best to take care of my clothes, only gentle cycle, never the dryer, stain-removing and repairing when possible. And I recycle what I have to via Trashie!
I’m glad all of that works for you! Just sharing what works for me! :) I wish it was more standard to have a variety of models represented online and more detailed garment measurements on brand sites.
I've found this to be true for me, too. I've never enjoyed buying online and every time I do and have to return it, I get more firm in my stance to just shop in-person. This goes for clothes, but honestly everything else, too. I bought a toilet paper holder and a dog shower attachment on Amazon that I need to send back because neither work for me. =/
This is it. You articulated the VERY thing that's been swirling around in my mind over the last few weeks, and it has paralyzed me. Like you, I write a Substack. Mine is focused on the beauty industry, marketing, and building brands with soul. And it gets really challenging to keep championing the virtues of an industry that has been seized by insane trend cycles, the constant thirst for newness, and the influencer and affiliate machine that drives them. And then we read about "the age of exhaustion", burnout, and the virtues of becoming a minimalist. I believe the latter are a direct response to the former. The bottom line is, hyperconsumerism doesn't satisfy. It's actually designed to keep us thirsty, yet never satiate. Meanwhile, the large companies like Shein and Zara are getting fatter and fatter with profits. The last thing they want is for us to believe we have enough. But seeing what we have as enough, and making intentional investments in things that last, is the way for us to reclaim control in a culture of hyperconsumption. Thank you for sharing this, and don't be shocked if I link to this piece in my next post. ;) xx
absolutely love this comment. so spot on and im excited to check out your substack :)
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you for this, as always. As my fingers form words of response, they all sound like justifications and platitudes in my ears. So I will sit in the discomfort for a moment. Which seems appropriate. XO.
Hey! We're all learning here. I don't have all the answers and I would love to hear any of your thoughts! I view my writing as the beginning of a conversation. internet culture always makes me feel like I must put the constant disclaimer: my view is not the end all be all. It's so unnatural and unlike normal healthy conversation. I missed a lot here and if I didn't think that it would be kinda nuts 😂
Oh no, none of my thoughts are like that, like "you missed X." You are so smart and thorough. What I go back to are why I won't just stop and be satisfied. And yet will always be striving. For me shopping is my #1 hobby (I read, I love museums, I am not a shallow shit, but it is, it is) and clothing is deeply tied to how I feel about myself, how I exist in the world. At one point I secretly hoped to find stats that travel (on airplanes) made that an equally negatively impactful hobby -- but it isn't even close. I do the things -- shop resale, support conscious makers, promote circularity through my end to end actions, TRY to limit quantity, and care. But beyond that, not only do I keep going, shopping, failing, I also don't want to stop. I justify what is truly not justifiable. Right now my battle is repeating. Learning the joy of repeating. And in the same breath, placing orders. Which makes repeating harder and harder. I have to face, I think, the reality that I am making choices. Some are good and some are not. All choices.
i love your honesty and i know you're no shallow shit 😂 there's a lot that's "right" about your love of fashion. you've given a lot to think about here!
Your honesty about this is difficult and thought-provoking. 🙏🏻
Thank you for this great read!
I spent years as an apparel design and product developer and I will say from a manufacturing perspective, I had to make choices when designing our products: 1) stand behind the high quality fabric, construction, fit and retail it at a fair cost which was always quite high and we found the majority of consumers didn’t want to pay for and even if they did, the margins were so bad 2) Cost engineer to meet the margin demands. This usually meant small tweaks that would go relatively unnoticed to the average consumer. Reduce the fabric weight by 10-20 grams, switch out to a slightly lesser quality zipper/linings/buttons, add unnecessary seams so we didn’t have to increase fabric specs etc
This is why I totally agree with the comment that you have choose based on individual pieces, not the brand. Every brand has trade offs they need to make to meet margins and they can spread that across their assortment by offering high quality/low margin in one product vs lower quality/high margin in another.
I do think there are smaller brands doing a great job designing very intentional pieces with slower and smaller production runs where they can control the quality but it comes at a higher price point which isn’t as accessible.
I think this is why so many are drawn to secondhand. The price value usually makes more sense. You can get beautiful 100% cashmeres and silks that are well constructed and last (as they have lasted already for 10-20+ years!) OR you can get a blended 90% cotton 10% cashmere at a much higher price point or fast fashion, but if it’s trending or being hyped, will always find a buyer!
such a thoughtful comment and i love this insight from someone who has actually been involved in the process. secondhand really does seem to be the way! what small brands do you love?
I love Micaela Greg for thoughtful knitwear and denim, Wardrobe NYC and Esse Studios for elevated luxe basics, AYR for casual shirting (though not sure if these are considered small anymore!). I think Ozma, Vincent James, Nanin Studio, and Donni are great too depending on the fabric program as some can be a little less constructed (but still beautiful qualities!)
Apiece Apart too is a brand where the quality has really lasted for years after many wears and washes!
I also think the greatest thing we can do for sustainability is wear more, buy less. Im by no means perfect with this! When it comes to our own style, it can be hard to create a strong POV when you are constantly adding new to your wardrobe!
yes we really need to normalize wearing the same pants 4 out of 7 days a week! honestly😂
💯! I think great style is so much about wearing things a million different ways and wearing them repeatedly but never getting bored of them!
My challenge is definitely finding quality clothes lately. I have a Banana Republic sweater from the 90s that is still going strong. But the stuff I buy new falls apart or shrinks quickly.
My mom gave me an old Reebok tshirt from the 80s: WOW. It's real cotton, stays true to size after washing, feels good in your hand and on your skin, it's amazing the difference in quality.
Spouse got a pile of decades old collared long sleeve shirts from his Dad who was downsizing; we took them straight to a tailor and had the sleeves cut off to make short sleeve shirts out of them after trying in vain to find quality summer shirts.
It is a treat these days to find a stack of clothes from the 90s or older in my mom's house; they might not fit, but they're quality lol.
it is a TREAT! to find old clothes. and taking them to a tailor is the move.
Would you be interested in doing a post about “how to take your clothes to the tailor”? Like, what kinds of things you can ask for to make certain items off clothing fit better, etc. Perhaps it’s just me, but I find the whole experience intimidating, so I’ve only gone to tailors for mending.
Ooooh, interesting point. What's intimidating about it? Are you not sure what to ask for? Does going to the tailor feel like a rarefied space? I'd love to know, as I write a Substack about bespoke clothing and tailoring. That would be a fun piece to do.
Yes, not knowing what to ask for is the big thing. Like I remember reading a thing about how Jennifer Aniston has her t-shirts tailored, and that’s why they look so good on her. However, I know it’s not as simple as showing up and going “here’s my t-shirt; I’d like it tailored please!” It feels kind of high stakes (because I’ve already bought the t-shirt and what if it looks even worse afterwards) and also in my limited experience, tailors usually seem kind of grumpy, like you’ve interrupted them. Am I supposed to make an appointment? It’s hard to get a sense of the etiquette.
And it’d be helpful to know what kinds of fit issues a tailor can’t help with.
Thanks for considering this topic!
Yes 90s clothes!! My mom just purged her closet from the 90s and out came things like … Liz Claiborne brand 100% silk trousers. 100% silk!! From a mid-tier brand! And they are still stunning. Not thin or cheap silk.
I could cry think of the j crew stuff I had in high school in the early 2000s and gave away when I went off to college. I found one Pima cotton turtleneck that somehow missed the purge and it’s miles better than anything you’d find today (at J crew or any of the nicer brands)
Oh I know! I purged some of my 80s clothes and am still kicking myself. I'm praying I find the one box with some vintage tshirts in it that (maybe I dreamed??!) I didn't give away. GIVE AWAY! What was I thinking?! I moved them from place to place during college and finally got tired of it. I could KICK myself. (I also purged my VINYL. groan.)
Personally I’ve found app-based wardrobe tracking has been the key to this. I hate to see any numbers other than the utilisation rate go up. It injects some objectivity into what is really working for me and helps me to play around with potential purchases a bit before buying. This year I’ve been doing a one new item a month challenge and it was going great until I got a modest, unexpected windfall (right before the summer sales), so now I’m trying to get back on track - this post was a great dose of motivation!
We are soul-sisters! Wardrobe app tracking has changed my life. Especially when I could sort my “least worn” like why would I buy something new when I hardly wear things in my closet!
such a great tip, ive been app hesitant for so long but i must try this !
Mind sharing your favorite app for this? :)
I use Whering! It takes a while to get set up but I think they all do. The data collection is great (at least at the beginning) and they’re working on improvements.
I use the Indyx app and am addicted to styling my own wardrobe!
I use index too! Love it.
Same! I use the Stylebook app and it’s really helpful to see what I actually wear vs. what I just seem to collect aspirationally 🫠
Love Gabor Maté! I went through a period when I was spending upwards of $700 each month on beauty + clothes after a breakup. Once I was healed, two things became very clear to me: 1) the hyper consumption was a behavior meant to fill a void. Seeing it firsthand taught me to dig deeper into what I’m truly feeling when I want to shop - do I need something or am I trying to distract from my feelings? 2) I don’t know how to shop. I have nothing to show those repeated $700 shopping sprees, which tells me I was mindlessly buying what influencers recommended and have no clue what my personal style is. I’ve donated/sold a ton of it, but am on a journey to figure out what I gravitate towards so I can buy things I will wear often. It’s been a tough journey because I keep encountering expensive, low-quality clothes everywhere I turn.
i love gabor too! the times where im buying most in my life i am generally unhappy. i love that you make that connection. clothes straddle this necessity / luxury place in our lives so its very easy to justify purchases.
YUP 👍
I always do a little cheer whenever I see a Total Rec newsletter in my inbox. This one was another banger.
I’ve been thinking about quality a lot. More recently, with the MNZ x J Crew collab. I’ve always had an eye on MNZ as a designer because her pieces have that NYC Cool Girl allure.
I only own two MNZ items: a pink leather tote and a satin scrunchie. After one wear, the leather tote scuffed beyond satisfactory repair (I only wore it to go to Trader Joe’s!), and my scrunchie is already fraying. I’ve seen MNZ clothing in real life, and it doesn’t seem like it will hold up, either.
All this to say, when I saw the collab and everyone’s excitement, I looked at the collection, put a couple of items in my cart, and sat on it for two days. When most of the items sold out, I closed the tab to my cart and didn't feel bummed at all. A win for me!
One last thought: I appreciate that collaborations with stores like J. Crew, Gap, and Target make typically expensive designer items more accessible, but at what cost? It also gives me emotional whiplash when the girlies in the Substack chats discuss J.Crew's declining quality one moment and then rave about grabbing collab items the next.
Yes! I’m still confused by the whole Gap x Doen collab.
agreed! selective blinders for sure
youre the best. the MNZ stuff was gonna get me too. ive never owned her items but ive always wanted them! im glad to hear someone with experience...and im glad everything ended up being sold out for you lol!
Yup. See below
Also.. “Unless you’re finally ready to run away to the nudist colony with that Burning Man boyfriend — some solutions are in order”
made me laugh as I thought to myself.. you’ve made it to ROUTE 66 (years old), been married 3x, been equally both VERY responsible & VERY adventurous & yet you’ve still not run off w a burning man BF (now feeling very pious & responsible 🤣🌺)
@zoë cheering w you! Also.. re MNZ.. will always remember 1st time I saw MNZ store (like 20 years ago??)~ I was raising 2 kids on a residents’ salary in Boston (aka how I funded child raising w SallieMae) & I walked by the store early 1 morning & wrote down the name.. thinking.. “when I finally have a dollar I’ll come here”
Many 💵later.. I TOO have only the scrunchy (cure) & the bag I used 3x & sold on TRR (for birdseed basically).. oh, & the dance pants.. I do like those..
& yet, last evening thought.. oh !!! I should break my “no fast fashion” rule & go to ….j crew… blah blah. I also refrained.
But.. I TOO am in the (wayyyyy lesss but still ingrained) buy/sell/buy vintage/give-away “shopping is a hobby” mindset that is ultimately less fun/kinda annoying/way more deeply rooted in something that’s hard to look at than I’m always willing to admit that Mrs. Solomon (forgot can’t link in comments) speaks to above
Thank you for this! I’ve been keeping a wishlist on a spreadsheet for 4 years now. I make myself wait up to a month before I buy something new which has mostly kept me from making impulse purchases. I still buy things I don’t need more often than I’d like to admit. It’s interesting to look at past wishlists to see what I actually bought and what was desirable at the time that was totally influenced by media. Reminds me of the early aughts when I wanted that Chloe Paddington bag and when I finally got a good look at it in person it was heavy, expensive, and not my style. Online shopping makes it easier to be consumed with want. I’m trying to unsubscribe to marketing emails and stop reading so much about shopping. The reminder to be happy with what we have (and try our best to buy good quality when we do shop) is appreciated!
this spreadsheet idea is genius!!! i bet its pretty damn entertaining...yes, after all the sales this week i went through and did a mass unsubscribe. the marketing emails are overwhelming!
The problem for me is 1. Fit and 2. Cost. My wardrobe budget is really at the J.Crew/Madewell price point — I have other expenses and investments in my life, and that’s the best balance of price and quality. Could I spend more on a higher quality item? Sure, but even then I don’t feel like the quality is good enough to warrant the delta in price. I also think clothes, whether it’s the physical pattern or whatever styles are in, just aren’t made to fit every body — more than 50% of the things I buy are returned due to fit. And often returns cost $ for shipping or in public transit costs to go to the stores (if they even exist) in person. Just feels like a lose-lose situation most of the time.
clothes arent made to fit us anymore! i hear you on the budget and frustration. going to keep that in mind while working on finding better resources!
Bravo as always!! Being “on-line” AT ALL makes feeling like I have enough so hard. I have gone months feeling content and I have had days where I want to buy everything I see. The biggest difference in these seasons is usually my screentime number. And I realize that this speaks to my own weakness of being influenced by other people’s outfits but becoming aware of it has also helped me put down the phone and walk away when my shoppies get too high.
screen time overall makes me feel crazy! and definitely makes me hungry to shop
Really enjoyed this piece, thank you! You might enjoy this book:
Less: Stop Buying So Much Rubbish: How Having Fewer, Better Things Can Make Us Happier by Patrick Grant. Touches on a lot of what you have covered. It’s quite Uk-centric in places but the overall message of the book is universal.
its on my list! and now its getting moved up in priority :) thanks for letting me know its worth it
I think most of this is true and I agree, but have you read The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality by Amanda Montell? She dedicates a chapter to this and how it's also a psychological trick of the mind-- we perceive everything to be "lower quality" or not "built to last" now-- partially because we actually can't see all the things that were low quality or *not* built to last from the past as they... didn't last this long.
I'm summarizing a well researched book on psychology in a small shitty comment, so I recommend reading, it's definitely very up your alley! I don't disagree that Shein is undeniably the worst quality, but I think the evil is perhaps less even the lifespan and more a culture and a lifestyle creep that makes people believe that they need a new look for every occasion, moment, feeling or whim that passes-- it's that behavior that fuels the Shein economy, IMO, not the other way around, though I know they feed each other into a chicken or egg cycle.
no! i havent read this but i need to! and yes, shein is evil in their model of making clothes INSANELY fast and now everyone else has to keep up with them to compete. its f--ed the entire system.
I really enjoyed your Gabor Maté quote inclusion. Lots to digest!
I’ve always bought infrequently for myself, given I buy slowly and thoughtfully but funnily today I did a wardrobe cleanse (am soon moving) and while I knew I had gained some weight (!) I suddenly didn’t fit into some cherished summer clothes. Now I’m caught in a familiar situation (I work with a lot of postpartum women) who are trying to find the elusive pieces that work between sizes and seasons.
In the ‘olden’ days (lol) clothes used to have extra material in the seams in order to ‘let out’ if you gained weight. Then you could sew back up when you lost weight. We don’t do that anymore. Clothes aren’t seen as pieces that live and grow with you and that makes me sad.
I’m currently living in Deiji Studios linen dresses (my fave) and one other Another Nue dress I bought in 2021 because it’s hot hot hot in the city. I don’t own much fast fashion anymore, mainly because I invest in pieces I’ll own for years and I won’t let this be an excuse to buy badly. I’m excited for the challenge - for myself!Whatever I buy, I will size up with the idea of having it tailored later and I’ll embrace the newfound softness after a challenging year x
im glad you appreciated that quote, i really love his work!
i love this idea of clothing living and growing with you. also love the acceptance and grace of allowing yourself to size up! tailor later if needed. gonna remember that one.
Have you checked on Posh or EBay for the next size up on your cherished summer clothing items? I have replaced some of my faves that didn’t fit anymore this way.
This was a great read. I've been working on a "shopping/not shopping" newsletter for the past two weeks and I currently have four drafts. I find it so difficult to pin down where I am with all of it right now! Having said that, I just went to two giant thrift stores today and spent about an hour in both, and I came home empty-handed. And it wasn't even difficult. Here I come, draft number 5!
oh Tiia I am so excited to read about this!